Sunday, August 24, 2014

Invisible Disabilities



I just got back from the grocery store, and I had to share my experience.

An eight-year-old boy stood beside me, without looking at me, and talked to me at length about refrigerators. Yup, refrigerators. A few minutes later, I could hear the frantic cries from a couple calling their child. When his parents happened upon him, he immediately ran for the exit doors. His parents called for anyone to stop him. I hopped in front of the exit and asked him what he thought of stainless steel refrigerators. He stopped dead in his tracks and walked with me back to his parents, explaining that while stainless steel refrigerators are modern and visually pleasing, they are difficult to polish.

His mother, with tears in her eyes, reminded her son to use his words to express when he needed to exit a situation. His father shook my hand and asked if I knew someone with an autism spectrum disorder, and I explained that I'm an emotional support teacher and love several kiddos with ASD. The father shared that they have been working with a therapist to help their son reduce eloping (i.e., leaving a situation) in place of functional communication. He told me that people usually try to grab and scold his son when he bolts for the exits, which triggers a storm.

Then, a nearby man said to his wife, "If I ever acted like that in the store, my father would have kicked my ***. That's why I was never a brat." (Don't tell anyone, but I wanted to kick that man's you-know-what.) He said it a little too loudly, like he wanted us to hear him-- maybe to teach the parents a lesson? The parents had already tried that approach, along with many others, but their son had autism. He wasn't a brat.

There aren't physical characteristics associated with autism spectrum disorders, executive functioning needs, processing needs, dyslexia, dysgraphia, depression, mood disorders, or anxiety, so these can be considered invisible disabilities. These children may "appear" to have neuro-typical functioning, and thus, people expect them to behave in a neuro-typical manner.

Would you ever say, "Just walk already! It's not that hard!" to someone with paralysis? How 'bout, "Just look already! You can see if you try!" to someone with blindness? Would you punish someone for not being able to hear? Of course not. So why do we do it to kids with invisible disabilities?

Just sayin'. :)

16 comments:

  1. I love this post! You are so right!! We can't always see disabilities, so it's very important NOT to be so judgmental. So glad you were the one that was there to help this child and especially the parents. We all need to be extra understanding of the difficulties parents face these days.
    Bless your heart!

    Ali
    Teaching Powered by Caffeine

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    1. Thank you so much, Ali! I appreciate your kind words and agree!

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  2. Fantastic message. One day, some day, most on earth will realize many of us have "stories" that influence our lives. Compassion is one thing we need to share around the world.

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    1. Thanks, Dee! I really hope so! Thanks for your comment!

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. I'm sorry, Anonymous, but I had to delete this comment, as it was hurtful to some of our readers, who have or love individuals with mental illness. I would welcome a more civil debate in the future, in a different location.

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    2. Additionally, I very respectfully disagree.

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  4. Anonymous above has obviously never had a kid with ASD.

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    1. I would love to have Anonymous as a fly on the wall to see our kiddos and experience how real it is. I would love to hear more about your child!

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  6. Sorry I had to delete my first comment. It was full of typos because my mobile browser isn't letting me always type for some reason.

    Anyway, someone please delete that idiot's comment. Every emotion is not a mental illness. But you honestly sound insane.

    I am an adult with Autism Spectrum, also known as Asperger's. As an adult, I still do some of the same things an Asperger's child does (meltdowns especially), but it does change as you grow up. If anyone has a teen or adult family member that they'd like to better understand, visit my posts on the matter. It comes in three different posts :

    http://londonkittycane.com/a-guide-to-understanding-aspies-part-1-communication/

    Autism and all mental "disorders" are very real. I could get really mean, but I'm gonna leave it at that.

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  7. I agree with you, London Kitty. ASD and mental illnesses are very real, and I hope we can change the public perception. I appreciate you sharing your story and would love to have you share more as a guest blogger if you'd be interested. I apologize that I did not see the comment from "Anonymous" until now.

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  8. Our school has just created a self-contained setting for students with severe behavior concerns that cannot be addressed in our behavior inclusion program. My first with my kiddos I chased the kiddo all over campus. He pushed the metal cabinets over which I can't move, dumped all of our trash out, poured glue all over the floor, and more all because he couldn't verbalize that he needed our attention. He is not on the spectrum, but I do have another student who is. These kiddos need our love, not hate. It breaks my heart. I'm going to be blogging about our experiences this year as we start this new adventure. My hope is that the unit won't be necessary anymore at the end of the year. I know it is an ambitious goal, but I feel we need to begin with the end in mind.

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  9. loving your blogspot full of the very common issues for all our loved ones who are the autism spectrum and us their families . I would say as a parent unfortunately we meet the situation you describe on more than a weekly basis . The one thing I have learned from my two youngest children who are on the spectrum is to be less judgemental and have a broader view on things . Our two boys have taught us so much more than we can teach them . Diversity is something to be valued . Keep up the fabs posts .Loving them and sharing them in Ireland

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